Tony Carden lived in a time where homophobia was rampant in Australia, and child sexual abuse was buried beneath societal propriety.

Tony faced years of sexual abuse at the hands of his private school teachers from the age of nine, and attempted suicide at eleven. Soon, he found solace in the escapism of the performing arts, and built-up anger eventually led him to years of AIDS activism.

In 1990, Tony joined ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power), after being diagnosed with AIDS. In the years that followed, he became one of Australia's most influential lobbyists through campaigning for improved medical care, better facilities, safe sex education, and an end to discrimination.

Tony's mother Lesley, who felt the need to tell Tony's story as a way to shed light and honour him, has released the inspirational biography 'I Don't Want To Talk About It: A Biography Of AIDS Warrior Tony Carden'.

It follows Tony's early years, mental health struggles, his time studying at the prestigious Lee Strasberg Institute in New York, his career as a Broadway actor, and eventually his death at age 33.

To find out more about Tony, his story, and Lesley's aims with the biography, we spoke to her.

First of all, tell us a bit about your son.
Early in his life it became clear that Tony was born to entertain. Instead of playing football as his father expected of sons, Tony preferred to make hand puppets, create puppet shows and entertain his school mates. Of football, he said: ’It’s a silly game. Whenever you get anywhere near the ball, you get attacked! So why would you want to play football?’ Soon after he started school, something dark happened to Tony – something he refused to talk about, something so traumatic that at eleven he attempted suicide. As his life unfolded, his anger about what he’d experienced (I refer to it as ‘It’) turned a damaged boy into an ardent activist. There’s now a Canberra street named after Tony in recognition of his ‘achievements in activism during the AIDS epidemic’ and of his ‘contribution to public reform’.

Why was he so inspired to work so hard for the causes he championed?
The causes that Tony championed were: To battle politicians and pharmaceutical companies for the drugs that could save the lives of people living with HIV/AIDS (PLWHA); To gain decent standards of medical care for PLWHA; To bring an end to homophobic discrimination. These were all causes Tony saw as needing urgent attention and was totally unwilling to accept. So, having seen in New York that slogan-chanting and banner-waving had been non-productive, he decided instead to channel his anger and his theatrical talents towards changing the dynamics for PLWHA. His characteristics of determination with ‘no holds barred’ and no inhibitions provided him with the drive to achieve his goals. I believe that his inspiration evolved from the anger he’d built up over the abuse he’d experienced as a child and his resulting intolerance of the mistreatment of any of community’s vulnerable groups.

And what inspired you to put his story into words in the form of a biography?
My inspiration was threefold: Firstly, following Tony’s death in 1995, Sydney’s LGBTQIA+ community asked me to write his story because of his background as actor and a Broadway star and because of what he had achieved with ACT UP during the AIDS epidemic. However, although I recognised its significance, my grief was such that I could not have written it then. In 2014, when I created a Catalogue of Warriors for the 20th anniversary celebration of ‘Warrior Blood’, the powerful artwork created by Tony for the National Gallery exhibition ‘Art In The Age Of AIDS’, many of the ‘Warriors’ suggested that I should write his story. This time I agreed, but was rather tardy getting started. However, a year later, in 2015, the revelations of Royal Commission into Institutional Responses into Child Sexual Abuse were such that they put fire into my pen and after almost ten years, the earlier requests have borne fruit. As it was to be Tony’s story, a biography it had to be.

Talk a bit about where you started when it came to putting this together.
Well, although I’d won the Ethel Turner Literary Award for Australian Secondary School Students when I was 16 and had written numerous horticultural booklets and co-written a book for the NSW Department of Agriculture, I was not experienced in creative writing. So I undertook two tertiary courses in creative writing, a course in book writing and another in the creative use of grammar, sentence structure and punctuation. Then I spent two years researching subject matter, gathering data, and recalling memories of my AIDS journey with Tony as well as spending many hours researching archives (with permission) at Sydney’s Mitchell Library.

Who is this book for?
The LGBTQIA+ community is the obvious readership. However, because this story also reveals the lifelong impact of childhood sexual abuse, it will also be of value to a far wider readership: Those who have experienced abuse, parents and friends of children who may be experiencing trauma and also members of the community who are interested in better understanding the problem. I also believe that secondary school students could and should read this book, and will by so doing gain insight into childhood sexual abuse, homophobia and the pain brought about by discrimination.

What commentary do you have in regards to the world’s current perspective on/treatment of the queer community, and AIDS?
Sadly, in many parts of the world homophobia still remains rife and many people suffer, are abused, conceal their status and even kill themselves because of the discrimination they are subjected to. Being largely religion-driven it is unlikely to change so the intolerance and suffering will only continue. However, I also believe that Australia has set a standard for other countries to follow and that slowly, the perspective of many other countries will change. As well, in countries where for a variety of reasons the safe sex message has not got through, new AIDS cases are being diagnosed daily. For example, in parts of Sydney where English is not a main language, new AIDS cases are being diagnosed daily and in escalating numbers. I understand that deaths from AIDS are continuing to increase worldwide and now outnumber the death-tolls of all previous major pandemics except the Bubonic Plague!

How did it feel to write this book? What sorts of challenges did you face along the way?
Many people have suggested that writing Tony’s story must have been cathartic. It was not! In fact it has had the opposite effect, because rather than deal with grief in the usual way, my son and his anguish have been with me daily for many years so it has been a long and drawn out continuity of grief’s usual pathway. Also I have had reason to fear retribution from the source of Tony’s sexual abuse which has led me to seek legal advice that has required certain changes to the text and the use of pseudonyms, which I have followed.

On the flip side, what has been the biggest reward of writing ‘I Don’t Want To Talk About It’?
To have honoured my son and his achievements has been the greatest part of my reward and also, to know that I have provided a historic record of a significant part of Sydney’s social history, of ACT UP and of an AIDS journey as travelled by a mother with her son, which is rare, has given me satisfaction and a sense of achievement. Because Tony’s story also provides insight and comfort to parents, victims and others who may have been affected by childhood sexual abuse, I feel I have made a contribution towards helping others, which is the best outcome that could have derived from what Tony couldn’t talk about.

And what effect are you hoping Tony’s story has on the book’s readers?
Hopefully readers of Tony’s story will take away: A zest for what can be achieved in life despite facing great odds; An understanding of just how horrific was the reality of Australia’s AIDS epidemic; A grasp of the hurt cause by discrimination; An understanding of the evil of childhood sexual abuse, of the need to protect our children and that we should always remain sensitive to their behaviour.

'I Don't Want To Talk About It: A Biography Of AIDS Warrior Tony Carden' by Lesley Saddington is out now.