“So. . . I’m not saying I dread Sydney Mardi Gras but I have been in Melbourne’s iso state of mind for almost a year now and I’m still getting used to being 'out' and 'about' again.

Call me Kate Winslet in lesbian period film 'Ammonite' (2020) because I loved being a moody gay recluse!

In saying that, I’ve also missed being in queer spaces. A lot.

And whilst I am definitely looking forward to my first show back in front of an audience for 'Laugh Out Proud', Mardi Gras’ iconic queer comedy night, I also wish I could somehow still be in that solitary island of my own making.

When I saw 'Ammonite' (2020) recently, I really felt it.

'Ammonite' (2020) is, of course, that movie where Kate Winslet plays a reclusive fossil collector and Saoirse Ronan is the lady who walks into her depressing shop by the beach.

They don’t talk much and are just sitting at home most of the time which pretty much sounds like heaven to me.

There are many reasons as to why I would prefer the 'Ammonite' (2020) treatment over the glitterbomb of Sydney Mardi Gras. . .

But I thought I’d make a pros and cons list before trading in my boob tube for a bonnet.

Thus, this Virgo convolutedly presents to you:

The Pros And Cons of making Sydney Mardi Gras more like lesbian period film 'Ammonite' (2020):

PROS, or why it’s good that Mardi Gras is not like 'Ammonite' (2020):
1. I will be at Mardi Gras
2. Nath Valvo, Geraldine Hickey, Nina Oyama, Thomas Jaspers, Rosie Piper, Selina Jenkins, Jake Howie and Jay Wymarra will also be there
3. The presence of lesbians born after 1799
4. More than three lesbians
5. Flushing toilets
6. The mere possibility, nay, guarantee, of gay laughter
7. Lesbians may speak openly instead of exchanging silent, longing looks (however whether they choose to take advantage of this freedom is up to each individual party)
8. People of colour
9. Less racism probs
10. Low likelihood of contracting tuberculosis

CONS, or why it’s bad that Mardi Gras is not like 'Ammonite' (2020):
1. I was not in 'Ammonite' (2020)
2. Nath Valvo, Geraldine Hickey, Nina Oyama, Thomas Jaspers, Rosie Piper, Selina Jenkins, Jake Howie and Jay Wymarra were also not in it
3. The invention of electricity has made candle-lit hookups a rarity
4. Not enough fossils
5. Not enough rocks
6. Not enough bonnets
7. Grey colour palettes not used to their complete homoerotic advantage
8. The lack of Kate Winslets
9. The lack of Saoirse Ronans
10. Low likelihood of getting eaten out in a seaside cottage

What do you think?

Can I have my 'Ammonite' (2020) and eat Mardi Gras too?”